ever heard what a severe nervous breakdown?
Well, honestly I have no idea if that term, but the patent just as in life had never felt such despair in such a short time.
A year ago, just in September 2008, I thought I had anxiety attack as hard as he could experience, I felt almost as if I were to have a heart attack and I had no idea it was just stress ... shortly after I learned all the symptoms I suffered and its scientific name by a chapter that saw ER ... what it is.
then, the circumstances were very different. My life revolved around the scorn of a dude, not being with him significana that my life had no meaning. At that time, to distract from the deep pain I felt, I was filled with activities for fun, and obviously ended up with an anxiety attack feeling that I was going to die.
Today, I can sum up my Friday night as "horrible old woman crazy." Why? It hurts my stomach for the deep anger I feel. It was a situation that provoked it was a situation that erupted. It was there, latent and was imminent came out from within me.
And here I am, with a burning in the esophagus as a few who had felt, but I'm throwing the glass of wine at home for a bit trying to forget all the frustration I feel, or else more than a minor burn me a tangible reason I can control stopping drinking. Click
old fool. Definitely I can not conceptualize it better. Since I started working, my shock to real life has made me change my way incredibly be. Without realizing it, a woman I've become much more hard, cold and calculating, which experienced marketers who only thinks of strategies and outcomes.
Today my life is stuck on things that are leaving me no longer breathe. The situation is very different from a year ago, now is not stuck to me like activities, is of necessity and this is too frustrating, because I can not give up anything and the only thing I can do is fuck and endure.
Working on average 10 hours a day, step 12 hours at work and the people I live truly has become almost part of my family, I see a lot more time than I can sadly see my family and friends (they have noticed a pattern in my complaints?). It is what frustrates me ...
what I used to do everything I do if all you want in life is to be with my family and friends, I enjoy them and enjoy my life and all I do is follow orders and protocols stupid and does not frustrate me I can change and all for a salary that even fucking let me be happy with the little materialism could.
Today also I have to do a stupid degree that I removed Friday and Saturday. No sleep, not eat well, exercise and do not do too much emphasis on that, but damn it is this quality of life?
write this and Rafa holds me because I won the tear, and that's all I need in life to be good, the love of my friends and me too angry will not watch them because I know that as I need them, they need me or maybe not, but I love to be in their lives to do for them at least half of what they do for me.
Also, I have the fucking bad habit of not controlling my frustration. I too, read too impulsive. Something makes me angry and poor that is before me, or whatever it is, it usually ends up broken or above Madrazos good. Do not know how to manage anger and my reactions to others, especially those who want, with whom I completely emotionally open and often the most affected with emos and psychoviolentos my moments.
I do not know if everyone is equal, at least, I control my costs a lot of work and once I do, shit I remember why I was angry, because it starts all over again (if anyone knows any method anger management, I will thank you.)
The slightest sound can unleash my hatred and frustration. Yes, I think I'm like a little girl when she realizes that there are things you can not control and frustrated and cries and kicks and yells at his mother, knowing that she is not to blame. Fuckin life ....
only thing I have right now is give me my third glass of wine, write ... and cover my frog-eye bags I have with makeup, and putting up the penalty to be crying and writing this mother in the middle of a bunch of friends playing rockband ... is one of the least planned and pleasant scenes of my life.
The net would be at home crying her lungs out, complaining and cursing life to the utmost, but I can not. All I can do and that is helping me to drain the poison is to write everything I can. Exhaust valve is healthier than I have in life, THANK GOD FOR THAT HEAD LIGHT THOUGHT IN CREATING THE BLOGS.
But hey, I'm tired and I do not know what else say. People must think I'm psychotic. But FUCK OFF, I'm definitely going to worry about what other people think only in two situations:
* Where are my friends, I love and want. ¨
* When I stay or they owe something hahahaha.
Finally, much of what I wrote in this post came from the depths of my viscera, but net. I'm very frustrated, but I also know that things could hardly be worse and the only thing I can do is get used to the idea that this will be my life the next 6 months, I know I deserve something better, I killed me to do but I guess this piece of my life, is the implicit object that I continue to make stronger, than I am.
All I want is to not let touch my heart in the way because as we say in marketing, profit & loss is even more charged with the loss, and I do not like.
So help, échenme clubs because this goddamn old fool, what you need.
Thanks Rafa for letting me write this, there has been a boon liver saved me and my belly.
love my friends, thank you for existing.
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