It Just Happened, and it comes from the bottom of my heart
ever heard what a severe nervous breakdown?
Well, honestly I have no idea if that term, but the patent just as in life had never felt such despair in such a short time.
A year ago, just in September 2008, I thought I had anxiety attack as hard as he could experience, I felt almost as if I were to have a heart attack and I had no idea it was just stress ... shortly after I learned all the symptoms I suffered and its scientific name by a chapter that saw ER ... what it is.
then, the circumstances were very different. My life revolved around the scorn of a dude, not being with him significana that my life had no meaning. At that time, to distract from the deep pain I felt, I was filled with activities for fun, and obviously ended up with an anxiety attack feeling that I was going to die.
Today, I can sum up my Friday night as "horrible old woman crazy." Why? It hurts my stomach for the deep anger I feel. It was a situation that provoked it was a situation that erupted. It was there, latent and was imminent came out from within me.
And here I am, with a burning in the esophagus as a few who had felt, but I'm throwing the glass of wine at home for a bit trying to forget all the frustration I feel, or else more than a minor burn me a tangible reason I can control stopping drinking. Click
old fool. Definitely I can not conceptualize it better. Since I started working, my shock to real life has made me change my way incredibly be. Without realizing it, a woman I've become much more hard, cold and calculating, which experienced marketers who only thinks of strategies and outcomes.
Today my life is stuck on things that are leaving me no longer breathe. The situation is very different from a year ago, now is not stuck to me like activities, is of necessity and this is too frustrating, because I can not give up anything and the only thing I can do is fuck and endure.
Working on average 10 hours a day, step 12 hours at work and the people I live truly has become almost part of my family, I see a lot more time than I can sadly see my family and friends (they have noticed a pattern in my complaints?). It is what frustrates me ...
what I used to do everything I do if all you want in life is to be with my family and friends, I enjoy them and enjoy my life and all I do is follow orders and protocols stupid and does not frustrate me I can change and all for a salary that even fucking let me be happy with the little materialism could.
Today also I have to do a stupid degree that I removed Friday and Saturday. No sleep, not eat well, exercise and do not do too much emphasis on that, but damn it is this quality of life?
write this and Rafa holds me because I won the tear, and that's all I need in life to be good, the love of my friends and me too angry will not watch them because I know that as I need them, they need me or maybe not, but I love to be in their lives to do for them at least half of what they do for me.
Also, I have the fucking bad habit of not controlling my frustration. I too, read too impulsive. Something makes me angry and poor that is before me, or whatever it is, it usually ends up broken or above Madrazos good. Do not know how to manage anger and my reactions to others, especially those who want, with whom I completely emotionally open and often the most affected with emos and psychoviolentos my moments.
I do not know if everyone is equal, at least, I control my costs a lot of work and once I do, shit I remember why I was angry, because it starts all over again (if anyone knows any method anger management, I will thank you.)
The slightest sound can unleash my hatred and frustration. Yes, I think I'm like a little girl when she realizes that there are things you can not control and frustrated and cries and kicks and yells at his mother, knowing that she is not to blame. Fuckin life ....
only thing I have right now is give me my third glass of wine, write ... and cover my frog-eye bags I have with makeup, and putting up the penalty to be crying and writing this mother in the middle of a bunch of friends playing rockband ... is one of the least planned and pleasant scenes of my life.
The net would be at home crying her lungs out, complaining and cursing life to the utmost, but I can not. All I can do and that is helping me to drain the poison is to write everything I can. Exhaust valve is healthier than I have in life, THANK GOD FOR THAT HEAD LIGHT THOUGHT IN CREATING THE BLOGS.
But hey, I'm tired and I do not know what else say. People must think I'm psychotic. But FUCK OFF, I'm definitely going to worry about what other people think only in two situations:
* Where are my friends, I love and want. ¨
* When I stay or they owe something hahahaha.
Finally, much of what I wrote in this post came from the depths of my viscera, but net. I'm very frustrated, but I also know that things could hardly be worse and the only thing I can do is get used to the idea that this will be my life the next 6 months, I know I deserve something better, I killed me to do but I guess this piece of my life, is the implicit object that I continue to make stronger, than I am.
All I want is to not let touch my heart in the way because as we say in marketing, profit & loss is even more charged with the loss, and I do not like.
So help, échenme clubs because this goddamn old fool, what you need.
Thanks Rafa for letting me write this, there has been a boon liver saved me and my belly.
love my friends, thank you for existing.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Skins.be Kates Playground
Everything in life costs ...
to think hard ... go so!
In recent months I have been under a load of pressure to learn all I can, work, emotionally and culturally ...
Again I left my blog and not because he wants to, but because I feel that I have dried out ideas ... and today is one of those days that I decided to retake it because it feels very well end up an entry and realize what you feel and mean ... and often does not dare.
This post does not cover a specific topic, just it's just what's in my head, pretend to be just immersed in the sea of \u200b\u200bmy neurons (enough drugged because I threw some pills, so enjoy the travel) and they will find all sorts of thoughts and I needed to write.
There is something I shit in my life too cotidianda, toooooda awakening begins with the weba the world in the morning, change my attitude a grim smile and realize that there are a lot of bitter people that insists on the smile off my face ... There is nothing more unpleasant (and do not let me lie) to smile at someone or something kindly ask that you respond as if they'd muddy excemento in the face ... I just do not understand those people who keeps putting geta to everyone, I wonder what they earn? Do you feel fulfilled? Would you like to catharsis of his problems with people who have an optimistic attitude? I do not know ... I sincerely want to join the club of bitter ... But I must admit that I can ruin a moment of happiness with their smell Getae of _______ (fill in the blanck).
Such people inadvertently got me thinking (very loosely) on the famous phrase "Money can not buy happiness." The other day, I went with my boyfriend in the car and do not know why, we started to talk about money and its relationship to happiness, and I sadly realized that Toodoo has to do with money.
Here I put some everyday examples that may sound familiar to them might cause or bring me a capitalist pig (all are less than the Communists JA!):
a) A person with cancer: who is most possibilities of saving? Which family will have a little more tranquil? which patient will suffer less? With each other without wool or wool?
b) your car breaks down, you have wool, you buy another, do not have wool sacrifice other things and fix it ...
Other examples to demonstrate how money makes us happy:
a) A wey is very much in love, is happy to have his girlfriend, but AJAAAA! to see, you need money to eat and walk home to the passage, for gasoline, for anything! Money is BASIC, if not, it is without seeing it and then it is not so happy, (even for the virtual love you need to pay a computer and the internet).
b) A child poor, their only happiness in the year is to receive a ball Playful TV Azteca. What needs to fulfill his dream? Someone decides to donate money to buy that ball. Net money needed ...
And so I can continue with a thousand examples of why we need the money, we ... I'm not finding the black, because the money has been created religions, cultures, wars, political and economic systems and the lack of this good, always generate conflict.
No way, money is a necessary evil that brings great wealth. And now I know many will disagree with my thinking, but seek not discuss it, everyone has their respectable opinion, just for me, yesterday, today and always money going to move to humans and the world, and those who consider otherwise, show me the technique to live without money, I think many are going to thank him.
Moving on, health is an undeniable value and now I watch how I run. The reason? I do not know. I guess the body eventually becomes all Malpaso, day by day.
I started almost two years with irritable bowel syndrome, hence the gastritis was immediate. I changed my eating habits to contrarreestar symptoms and I did. But what happened? Well I'm not consistent, and now all I have time to take care of these conditions that have made me spend several sleepless nights ... If you know what i mean! Also in April I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts do not know how to go about it, because well I have no money, I'm afraid to go to the doctor and they tell me I'm wrong. I know it's a stupid reason to think that going to the doctor is the solution to cure any ailment, but my fear is that I feel I have something more serious and I have no money for treatment. Not only that, it would have to go check colitis, gastritis, ovaries, heart, and I hope the list will not be lengthened over time.
not want to go. It definitely scares me stand in front of a doctor and I say you have this, take this this and this. The worst thing is that now my habits are changing for the worse. I have no time to exercise. Daily I wake up at 6 am to leave my house 6:45 a.m. (when my time of entry to work is 8:30, reason for leaving so early? "DAMN TRAFFIC !!!), at work I spend sitting in front to a computer (my eyes every time he suffers more and not to mention the blood circulation in my legs using 10-cm heels like every day). Meal time turns into a feast, and that anxiety and stress bank to buy me a chocolate, or a steady rest to satisfy my endorphin levels momentarily. At night I come home on average at 8 pm (DAMN TRAFFIC) and all I want is sleep. I can not do exercise at night because I get very active and do not sleep, and if not I sleep at 10:30 pm the next day there is no way I'm up at 6:00 am.
Weekends are a special case. They are the only days I can sleep and socialize. But that too will end within the next 4 months, and this Friday I started a seminary degree that I will take every Friday from 6 to 10 pm and Saturday from 9 to 2, so I wonder: When will I see my boyfriend, my friends, my family, sleeping, exercising, writing, reading, English classes and all that I want to do and life just does not? If at least earn a little more, could enroll in a gym near work, go to the doctor, do something to help me get through the day, but even that ... definitely very difficult case.
I know there are many people living circumstances much worse than mine, somehow I know I'm lucky, but hell, it's horrible to think that you work for illness, and above all, gives courage to have killed both in college scholarships for earn less than the girl, do not believe it's frustrating??
And yet, above all, do everything to have the best attitude to life and that nothing improves.
But hey, I'm tired of complaining and I will stay with the only thing that has helped me through these months: dream.
Bedtime is certainly the time I value most in my life. This is where I can be someone else, traveling to see friends I see that centuries ago, walking through a garden full of flowers, flying, slap those I have done something, talk to God, feel happy, feel lost, ah ... I love dreaming.
So well, after that, wait for my next post on my dreams, it will be very pleasant to write about it.
And either way, to give that life is not free hahahaha!
to think hard ... go so!
In recent months I have been under a load of pressure to learn all I can, work, emotionally and culturally ...
Again I left my blog and not because he wants to, but because I feel that I have dried out ideas ... and today is one of those days that I decided to retake it because it feels very well end up an entry and realize what you feel and mean ... and often does not dare.
This post does not cover a specific topic, just it's just what's in my head, pretend to be just immersed in the sea of \u200b\u200bmy neurons (enough drugged because I threw some pills, so enjoy the travel) and they will find all sorts of thoughts and I needed to write.
There is something I shit in my life too cotidianda, toooooda awakening begins with the weba the world in the morning, change my attitude a grim smile and realize that there are a lot of bitter people that insists on the smile off my face ... There is nothing more unpleasant (and do not let me lie) to smile at someone or something kindly ask that you respond as if they'd muddy excemento in the face ... I just do not understand those people who keeps putting geta to everyone, I wonder what they earn? Do you feel fulfilled? Would you like to catharsis of his problems with people who have an optimistic attitude? I do not know ... I sincerely want to join the club of bitter ... But I must admit that I can ruin a moment of happiness with their smell Getae of _______ (fill in the blanck).
Such people inadvertently got me thinking (very loosely) on the famous phrase "Money can not buy happiness." The other day, I went with my boyfriend in the car and do not know why, we started to talk about money and its relationship to happiness, and I sadly realized that Toodoo has to do with money.
Here I put some everyday examples that may sound familiar to them might cause or bring me a capitalist pig (all are less than the Communists JA!):
a) A person with cancer: who is most possibilities of saving? Which family will have a little more tranquil? which patient will suffer less? With each other without wool or wool?
b) your car breaks down, you have wool, you buy another, do not have wool sacrifice other things and fix it ...
Other examples to demonstrate how money makes us happy:
a) A wey is very much in love, is happy to have his girlfriend, but AJAAAA! to see, you need money to eat and walk home to the passage, for gasoline, for anything! Money is BASIC, if not, it is without seeing it and then it is not so happy, (even for the virtual love you need to pay a computer and the internet).
b) A child poor, their only happiness in the year is to receive a ball Playful TV Azteca. What needs to fulfill his dream? Someone decides to donate money to buy that ball. Net money needed ...
And so I can continue with a thousand examples of why we need the money, we ... I'm not finding the black, because the money has been created religions, cultures, wars, political and economic systems and the lack of this good, always generate conflict.
No way, money is a necessary evil that brings great wealth. And now I know many will disagree with my thinking, but seek not discuss it, everyone has their respectable opinion, just for me, yesterday, today and always money going to move to humans and the world, and those who consider otherwise, show me the technique to live without money, I think many are going to thank him.
Moving on, health is an undeniable value and now I watch how I run. The reason? I do not know. I guess the body eventually becomes all Malpaso, day by day.
I started almost two years with irritable bowel syndrome, hence the gastritis was immediate. I changed my eating habits to contrarreestar symptoms and I did. But what happened? Well I'm not consistent, and now all I have time to take care of these conditions that have made me spend several sleepless nights ... If you know what i mean! Also in April I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts do not know how to go about it, because well I have no money, I'm afraid to go to the doctor and they tell me I'm wrong. I know it's a stupid reason to think that going to the doctor is the solution to cure any ailment, but my fear is that I feel I have something more serious and I have no money for treatment. Not only that, it would have to go check colitis, gastritis, ovaries, heart, and I hope the list will not be lengthened over time.
not want to go. It definitely scares me stand in front of a doctor and I say you have this, take this this and this. The worst thing is that now my habits are changing for the worse. I have no time to exercise. Daily I wake up at 6 am to leave my house 6:45 a.m. (when my time of entry to work is 8:30, reason for leaving so early? "DAMN TRAFFIC !!!), at work I spend sitting in front to a computer (my eyes every time he suffers more and not to mention the blood circulation in my legs using 10-cm heels like every day). Meal time turns into a feast, and that anxiety and stress bank to buy me a chocolate, or a steady rest to satisfy my endorphin levels momentarily. At night I come home on average at 8 pm (DAMN TRAFFIC) and all I want is sleep. I can not do exercise at night because I get very active and do not sleep, and if not I sleep at 10:30 pm the next day there is no way I'm up at 6:00 am.
Weekends are a special case. They are the only days I can sleep and socialize. But that too will end within the next 4 months, and this Friday I started a seminary degree that I will take every Friday from 6 to 10 pm and Saturday from 9 to 2, so I wonder: When will I see my boyfriend, my friends, my family, sleeping, exercising, writing, reading, English classes and all that I want to do and life just does not? If at least earn a little more, could enroll in a gym near work, go to the doctor, do something to help me get through the day, but even that ... definitely very difficult case.
I know there are many people living circumstances much worse than mine, somehow I know I'm lucky, but hell, it's horrible to think that you work for illness, and above all, gives courage to have killed both in college scholarships for earn less than the girl, do not believe it's frustrating??
And yet, above all, do everything to have the best attitude to life and that nothing improves.
But hey, I'm tired of complaining and I will stay with the only thing that has helped me through these months: dream.
Bedtime is certainly the time I value most in my life. This is where I can be someone else, traveling to see friends I see that centuries ago, walking through a garden full of flowers, flying, slap those I have done something, talk to God, feel happy, feel lost, ah ... I love dreaming.
So well, after that, wait for my next post on my dreams, it will be very pleasant to write about it.
And either way, to give that life is not free hahahaha!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Average Life Span Car Starter
A grave-purpose bleached walls of infamy
About Uribe's statements against the Court, where the whitewashed tombs called several little things I tell them.
This metaphor used by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew to refer to the Pharisees for their hypocrisy, and inconsistent with their own ideas, they preach and not applied, has its historical background.
In ancient times and according to the Mosaic Law, when something was unclean to have made contact with unclean it represented too. Leprosy remains one of the most dangerous diseases of the time, it was said that those in contact with another person, contaminated and should, according to the book of Leviticus a rigorous practice ritual, which according to the reading, it seems made for anyone to be met, so strict, the same happened when a menstruating woman during this period was unclean and could not contact with other, much less Jews. In addition to the Jewish people, those who practiced the priesthood, were also a number of major constraints such as contact with dead people, with a ban, except in cases where the deceased was a close relative to the priest could approach the corpse.
One practice that was made then for the purpose of avoiding contact or even touch the graves was blanched so they could be distinguished. From this practice comes the term whitewashed tombs and this was his goal.
But in history there have been some of the graves that were well known due to the remains guarded, like Absalom son of David, who once promised to be better than his father but not only disappoint the people but almost annihilate. Some interpretations are
mention Jesus when I use that term referred not only to hypocrisy but because they looked white on the outside but inside kept corruption, an allegory to the Tomb of Absalom.
Returning to the present, the accusative language-noacusativo President Uribe, I wonder what was what I really wanted to tell the court?
About Uribe's statements against the Court, where the whitewashed tombs called several little things I tell them.
This metaphor used by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew to refer to the Pharisees for their hypocrisy, and inconsistent with their own ideas, they preach and not applied, has its historical background.
In ancient times and according to the Mosaic Law, when something was unclean to have made contact with unclean it represented too. Leprosy remains one of the most dangerous diseases of the time, it was said that those in contact with another person, contaminated and should, according to the book of Leviticus a rigorous practice ritual, which according to the reading, it seems made for anyone to be met, so strict, the same happened when a menstruating woman during this period was unclean and could not contact with other, much less Jews. In addition to the Jewish people, those who practiced the priesthood, were also a number of major constraints such as contact with dead people, with a ban, except in cases where the deceased was a close relative to the priest could approach the corpse.
One practice that was made then for the purpose of avoiding contact or even touch the graves was blanched so they could be distinguished. From this practice comes the term whitewashed tombs and this was his goal.
But in history there have been some of the graves that were well known due to the remains guarded, like Absalom son of David, who once promised to be better than his father but not only disappoint the people but almost annihilate. Some interpretations are
mention Jesus when I use that term referred not only to hypocrisy but because they looked white on the outside but inside kept corruption, an allegory to the Tomb of Absalom.
Returning to the present, the accusative language-noacusativo President Uribe, I wonder what was what I really wanted to tell the court?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
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